Day 1: This is the longest I have ever stuck to a diet.

Okay so after being talked down by my sister-in-law Jen, it's going to be a 1,100 calorie diet, and vegetables don't count. This should be better, right? Ha.

12:15 PM
Today is Saturday, so sleeping until noon made it pretty easy to skip breakfast. Lunch was a 275 calorie breakfast sandwich (turkey sausage, egg white, and a whole wheat bun). Makes sense...I'm still in my pajamas and just woke up...so breakfast for lunch is clearly the only option. I downed the sandwich in about 4.2 seconds. I had decided to take my time and savor each bite being that this was going to be most of what I ate today. I felt pretty positive after I finished it thinking, "Wow, that was good...a full meal AND I have only eaten about a quarter of my daily calories!" Twenty minutes later I decided I was still hungry and had the thought that if I took my mother's advice and ate slower, I might actually not get hungry so fast. If anything, at least I would be trying something new. I've never actually CHEWED anything I've eaten. I find it a waste of time, but have heard that it's a great digestion aid. Come to think of it, maybe that's why I take a daily medication for acid reflux...something I have in common with most AARP members. All and all, I think this will be a good day. I'm a little hungry, but it's not as bad as I expected.

4:45 PM
I'm freaking starving. It's day ONE, and I am so hungry, I'm considering going to bed at 5:00 just so I won't feel my stomach churning. And then...EPIPHANY!!! I have LETTUCE in the fridge! I had briefly forgotten that my diet is 1,100 calories per day AND all the vegetables I want. I have never been so excited to gnaw on iceburg lettuce. Yessss. I run to the kitchen and start madly chopping up lettuce and washing it. Now keep in mind, I do not doooo salad. To me, something that is only 15 calories per cup and tastes like crispy water soaked in nail polish remover is not a good option for a meal. I prefer things that are soft and covered with cheese. But tonight, this lettuce was just something pretty special. I then started going through the fridge and looking at the calorie content of things and piling very small amounts of things into my salad. After removing some of the turkey from my salad so that I could save those calories for extra dressing (that's right, you got it)...I sat down to a serving bowl full of white lettuce, some expired turkey pepperoni, a tiny bit of mozzarella cheese that was really just the dust from the bottom of the bag , and a CUP of light thousand island dressing. I think I just figured out why I've never enjoyed "salad."

5:24 PM
Chatting with my friend Erin online. She says, "drink tons of water and then eat a snack :) It fills you up but then you have to pee every 2 min."

Really? Due to the fact that I have eaten -2 calories today, I do not have the energy required to get up and walk to the bathroom. Try again.